Sunday, December 14, 2008

The Worst Kind of Irreverence

Our kids don't really have quiet voices. They are the proverbial office pariahs, the Will Ferrell-esque loud talkers who suffer from voice immodulation syndrome. Just ask anyone (everyone) that attends church with us. These boys have absolutely no comprehension of words like "whisper" or "inside voice" or even "hush". They think that reverence means folding your arms and not running, and while that's definitely a start, we would love it if they suddenly developed an ability to keep it down, especially during church.

This has been a problem since they started talking. In fact, my blog title came from one particularly loud outburst by G-Dog. (See this post for an explanation.) And I expect they come by it naturally. After all, CPod and I are both a bit on the loud and obnoxious side, and although we are capable of whispering, sometimes we still get a little out of control.

So keep all that in the back of your mind, and add this little tidbit.

CPod and I decided early on that we would use the correct anatomical names for all body parts when teaching them to our children. All body parts.

And we have three little boys in our family who, obviously, have all of the same body parts, most especially that one particular, most important, gender-defining organ. Ah, yes. The word that need not be posted on a blog for fear of its google-ability, but becomes immediately apparent to the discerning reader. The word with, I would guess, more euphemisms than any other word in the English language. (You should hear the ones we used when I was a kid.) The word which should most definitely not be spoken in church.

Except it was. Today. While the Deacons were passing the Sacrament. During the most quiet, reverent Sunday our ward has had in recent memory. ConMan was apparently in need of some, shall we say, realignment and felt the need to announce it to anyone within earshot. He couldn't have been that loud, you're thinking. Tell that to the six rows of people who stifled their giggles but still had shoulders a-shaking while the bread was passed.

Oh, my. So much for reverence.


  1. I think I'm going to cry from laughing!!!! I SO WISH I could spend some time with those boys ... after 3 girls we are definitely learning new things with our little man. I can only imagine what I could learn at your place ;) In fact, when we went for our ultrasound with Coug and they said "here is his (word that need not be mentioned)" I almost had to ask her to stop saying that word!!! Not a term I was used to having to hear so "openly."

  2. Good times. You might recall a little surgical episode we underwent with Todd while living in North Carolina. We are also an anatomically correct household. It sometimes does get interesting. But we haven't dealt with any sacrament anatomy. Just remember that it probably made everyone's day (and dinner conversation later).

  3. We've done the same thing with our two little boys. I recall bringing the new baby to the doctor and sitting in the waiting room, a nice lady asks Ethan if his baby sibling was a brother or sister. Ethan loudly responds: "He has a p****, so he's a boy."

    Or, loudly in a public place during a bout of unfortunate diaper rash "My scrotum hurts!" (I hope I didn't just blow your google cover).

  4. That is so, oh, so funny.. I love Conman. And his need for three year old realignment. Classicly, endurably, embarrass when he's getting married funny.

  5. Realignment? That's hilarious.

    I think I might be grateful right now for my kids who are so quiet when people talk to them, they look like they aren't talking at all. Oh wait, they usually aren't. Nevermind.


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