Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Mortification, times three

My friend Lew just posted about an embarrassing moment she recently experienced. Her moment of mortification got me thinking about a few of mine. Just to break the ice, though, I'll tell you one about CPod first.

When CPod was in graduate school, he received an administrative appointment to be a "student ambassador." This post included, among other things, giving tours to prospective students, participating in applicant interviews, orientation of the incoming class of first year students, and recruiting. (I know, he's a bit of a brown noser. Well, not really. He's just incredibly good at putting any and all people at ease. Seriously. It's nearly impossible for tension to exist in a room where CPod resides.)

We lived in Memphis, and so, as far as I was concerned, it meant that just about every weekend we were taking some new crop of interviewing students out to get barbecue. Don't get me wrong, Memphis has some good 'cue, but there's only so much of it you can take. Back to the story.

During one icebreaking session, interviewees paired up, shared vital statistics, and then "presented" each other to the rest of the group. CPod noticed that one quiet girl was still sitting by herself, so he volunteered to be her partner. He was stymied after the first question: Where do you currently attend undergrad?

You see, CPod is not from Canada. He had never before heard of the University of Regina. And so when Quiet Girl mumbled it under her breath, what he heard was "University of Vagina." Say it fast. Yeah. Easy mistake.

He kept asking her to verify what he'd heard . . . over, and over. I'm sure she thought he was crazy, or just really slow. He was really sweating by the time it was his turn to introduce her to the group, so he avoided the issue altogether by just skipping the part about her undergraduate education. But the other students wouldn't have it. Finally, when pressed, he mumbled it under his breath exactly the same way Quiet Girl had. I nearly die laughing every single time I think about this.

My most embarrassing moment happened when I was in high school. My senior year, the drama department put on a production of South Pacific. I had several costume changes, including one from a swimsuit to something else, under which I could not wear said swimsuit. Which means that, yes, at some point, I was comlpletely naked. I was very concerned about this, but there was no way around it. Luckily, I was the only one there to see it, but still. There were randy teenage boys about.

Turns out, I had reason to be concerned. I asked my best friend to stand guard while I changed (Andrea, do you even remember this?!?), and proceeded to remove my swimsuit. Just as I reached up, facing the door, to hang one costume on the hook and get down the other one, this little pervert freshman kid barged in and got a full frontal shot of me in all my glory. Talk about mortification.

I could hardly look at that kid for the rest of the year. Every time I passed him in the hall, he gave me what he thought was a sly wink and a nod, like he was imagining what I looked like without any clothes on. Somehow, the creep got a hold of my yearbook and memorialized my embarrassing moment for all time by writing, "You have a nice body," and his name. I have not responded to his friend request on Facebook.

And another one on CPod -- back to high school for him, too. Freshman year, gym was his last class of the day. He showered, toweled off, and wrapped the towel around his waist as usual. This other guy was already dressed, and on his way out of the locker room, he took the opportunity to pop CPod in the back with a towel, then took off running.

CPod is not one to let provocation go without retaliation, so he ripped off his towel and ran down the hall after him -- you know, the locker room maze hall. As he ran, he twisted that towel up tight so he could pop him. And pop him he did, really good right behind the ear (CPod claims he collapsed, screaming in pain) but CPod had misjudged the distance to the end of the hallway, and before he knew it, he was buck naked, in the common hallway behind the gym, surrounded by cheerleaders painting pep rally signs.

This man is white, let me tell you, but I bet he was blushing in all different kinds of places as he sprinted back to the locker room.

I begged him to tell this story and let me video it, because it's so much better to hear it from him. But he had to draw the line somewhere.

How about you all? Any embarrassing moments you'd like to share? Nudity makes it funnier, but it's by no means required. And you're welcome to comment anonymously, if that makes it a little easier for you. Let's hear 'em!

9 comments:

  1. Wow, I need to think about this one. I do often put my foot in my mouth.

    And Nudity is my New Year's Resolution word of the year. Everything is better naked. Well, not everything, as I stated in my post today.

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  2. LOLOL! I think I just died laughing! It's an awesome post! LOVE IT! And um, I'm the embarrassment queen. Seriously! LOL! I'm CONSTANTLY doing something to embarrass myself. Grr... Jenni

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  3. This is the good thing about embarrassing moments, you can always go back and laugh your head off. Well ... I've had plenty, I was the one who always felt in a non-gracious way in the middle of the room, gym, classroom, hallway, main St. just think about the worse place and yes, there I would be, on the floor ... trying to get up quickly pretending no one has seen me!!

    :)

    BUT the worst embarrassing moment ever was while I was in college, we had a surprise party for a friend, we were at a small house - just one bathroom - I thought I had locked the door, but this guy open it ... and I tried to stand up to reach for the door so he wouldn't open it, but as I stood up, with my underwear right above my knees ... yes ... he had already open the door ... to make matters worse Aunt Flo had paid an unexpected visit too ... I'm not sure I even made eye contact with him EVER AGAIN!

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  4. I'm ROFL, truly! Thanks for a great laugh to start my day. (ALthough I'm going to try to forget the disturbing mental images.)

    I've already told you my best embarrassing moment story, which is unfortunately not for public consumption. And I am very very very thankful not to have an embarrassing moment story that involves nudity! ;)

    When I first met Russ's parents we had gone to their house in New Jersey. We were at the dinner table eating dinner an I was (as always) just wearing socks. I bumped Russ's foot under the table & started playing footsie with him, and then after a minute or two remembered that he had worn shoes to the table--so that meant I was really playing footsie with my father-in-law to be, whom I'd just met! Needless to say I quickly tucked my feet back where they belonged. And the nice man never has said a word about it!

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  5. Oh. So. Funny!!!
    And mortifying.
    But mostly funny! As a reader anyway!

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  6. that is why I hate to say Regina. lol. I was married in that temple. I should be careful when telling others. ha

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  7. Um, this is kind of long, so I'll make it a post. You can read it on my blog: http://image-jen.blogspot.com/.

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  8. Okay, I think that you just called me out as the worst friend ever! The memory is hazy because I remember quite a few nudity issues with the stage right dressing room. I remember walking in on certain young man who was down to his tighty whiteys. Who was it that walked in on you? Email me or give me the initials at least back here. I apologize for walking away from guarding the door. I am sure that I apologized about 5,000 times before, but I am so sorry again! You probably gave him the view of his life!! I can't even begin with my stories, I'd have to start my own blog . . .

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  9. I can never remember embarrassing moments when people are retelling them. I've had issues with the entire front of my dress gaping open while I was talking to a guy I liked, or referring to Christ's bowels being full of passion (instead of compassion) in a lesson---but no real great nudity stories.

    Yours were enjoyable. :)

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Sock it to me!