Tuesday, June 16, 2009

The Joys

Today, G-Dog almost burned down our house. I blame it all on CPod. He was, after all, the only person older than 4 years old on the same floor as G-Dog when our little angel decided to pop his own bag of microwave popcorn. I was in the basement, herding our other two munchkins up from the garage after a morning outing, and CPod was so thoroughly engrossed in a very engaging phone conversation with his brother that he didn't notice when the popcorn smell went from warm and buttery to scorched and OMIGOSH! CPOD WHY IS THERE SMOKE COMING OUT OF THE MICROWAVE!!!!!!!!!!

Men. Multitasking. Not compatible.

Our house was so infused by burnt popcorn stench that I packed up the boys with some reliable sources of entertainment and headed over to my mom's house for the rest of the day. We opened all the windows and turned on all the ceiling fans and turned off the air conditioner, so when we came back home for bed tonight, we were happy to find a significantly less stinky house. Of course, it was 80 degrees, and terribly humid. But at least I don't have to wash every article of clothing in our closets.

In other news, I have begun experiencing more fully the joys of pregnancy. And by joys, I mean little annoyances. And by little annoyances, I mean a whole bunch of small things that add up to PURE HELL.

When I was pregnant with the twins, and again with MayDay, I endured about one bad symptom per trimester. Not so bad, right? First trimester, nausea. Second trimester, acne. Third trimester, heartburn.

This time around, I have had the distinct pleasure of experiencing all three symptoms since day one. Throw in a little restless leg and extreme exhaustion and you begin to understand why, when I told my husband that this pregnancy seemed to be flying by, he said, "Um, not so much."

I have the skin of a 15 year old boy. I never (I'm serious!) had zits when I was in high school, but I am more than making up for that now. I get heartburn from folding laundry. I could sleep 14 hours every day (although that's better than it was at the beginning). From about 8PM on I have comically uncontrollable restless leg.

Poor CPod. I guess I'll have to let the housefire go.

We've also been thinking a lot about names for the baby, now that we know what we're having. I tend to go for more old fashioned names, but what do you think about Satan? I know, not exactly a very feminine name for our one and only little girl, but it's the one suggestion that my boys keep coming back to.

See, we had a spontaneous lesson about the plan of salvation a few weeks ago. G-Dog is obsessed with why Satan doesn't have a body. He bombards me constantly with questions along the lines of, "Does Satan have a brain? How about bones? Does he have bones? Does he have a skull to protect his brain? Will he ever get a body? Will he get to live with his family? Will he get to live with Heavenly Father? I feel bad for him, Mommy, because he doesn't get to do all the things we do with our bodies."

While I appreciate G-Dog's concern for, oh, you know, the author of all evil, and I am amazed at both his and ConMan's grasp of the concept of agency, their choice of names for our baby is just a little disturbing. Beezlebub? Or Voldemort? Sauron, or Lex Luthor, or Freddy Kruger? How about Swiper? After all, this sneaky baby will always try to steal their stuff.

Either way, I'm strangely comforted that my children have no real frame of reference for the existence of evil in the world. Satan doesn't sound so bad to them because they've never really seen anything terrible. The villains they see on Scooby-Doo are just misguided humans dressed up in scary costumes; on Dora, the bad guy is a lonely fox (Swiper, for the NickJr novices) who just wants to make friends. Eventually, they'll be faced with honest-to-goodness temptations with the power to affect their lives profoundly. Until then, I'm just fine using their innocent fascination as a tool to teach them a little about reality.


  1. I could leave like ten comments on this post - but they all boil down to "amen." So we'll leave it at that.

  2. Did I tell you that just the other day, I brought groceries in from the car and put a box of diapers on the glass stove top? More bags of groceries were pushed in front of those (I know, bad idea, but my kitchen wasn't clean, so... no where else to put them) and the box of diapers pushed into the knob that turns on the burner, and well... yeah. Smoky burned diaper box seconds away from flames...

    It was very scary. Closed my eyes and saw my pretty house crumbling around me. But I caught it and all was well.

    I'm glad your house didn't burn down either. That would be a total bummer.

    I always feel sad for swiper.

  3. What about "Stridex" as a name for the baby? And burned microwave popcorn is the gift that keeps on giving. Your microwave has only begun to stink up your house...

    I used to hate that men couldn't multi-task. Now I'm grateful that my husband can spend all day raiding a strip club, come home and change clothes, and head out on splits with the missionaries. I know I certainly couldn't shift gears like that!

  4. Burnt microwave popcorn is seriously one of the worst things ever.

  5. I'm sorry your experiencing so many not fun symptoms of pregnancy...but just remember that it could be a whole lot worse.

    I HATE burnt popcorn.

    I love all of the questions asked about Satan. We had a family discussion just recently about the plan of salvation and Satan but it didn't lead to any of those questions.

    You are the perfect mom for such inquisitive minds.

  6. My first comment! Whitney always thought i was weird for saying similar things about our "fallen brother". You'd think I'd have sympathy for other "fallen brothers/sisters" but no, just for the really really fallen one. BTW have you checked your email?

  7. You (and your sister) have this wonderful ability to make anything sound so hilarious ... I've been laughing out loud at work (not much is happening today, rainy yucky day) reading about the options for sister's name!!! I have to say "Swiper" sounds pretty good ... hahahahahhaha.

    This reminds me, Nicolas and I were walking into Wal-Mart once and there was this skinny told man standing there, waiting for the bus and he really look kinda sneaky and my little Nicolas decides to look back and put his hand out and say outloud "Swiper no swiping" :0)

    Hope the symptoms ease soon. RLS is not fun ... I've had some of that ... this lady from church told me once, to put a bar of soap inside my bed, like at the bottom of the bed, between the sheets and I don't know if it was in my head or what but when i was pregnant with Nicolas that was the only thing that worked ... worth trying!

  8. I had terrible restless leg syndrome when I was pregnant with my triplets. Really bad. I finally found a little cocktail that let me sleep at night--every night I took calcium, magnesium, tylenol PM (my high-risk ob said I was ok taking that) and then washed it down with OJ which helped the calcium be more available. I figured my babies were sucking calcium through their umbilical straw.... ;)

  9. Our babysitter almost burned our house down (and turned our brand new white microwave BLACK) by cooking popcorn on the wrong setting. That smell is beyond offensive. It won't leave your sense for YEARS. I can't imagine if I'd also been pregnant...

    And I really love this line: "I'm strangely comforted that my children have no real frame of reference for the existence of evil in the world." Enjoy that innocence for all it's worth.

  10. While those names would be really REALLY awful for reality, I think I would laugh with every post if you nicknamed your baby Swiper.

    Just. Too. Funny!

  11. I just caught myself up on your blog and I have several comments.
    Congrats on the baby girl YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I am soooooo glad I am not pregnant and never will be again!!!!

    Emily i wish for one week i could live at your house and you could cook 3 meals a day for me and I would happily eat all your amazing food and i would praise you and thank you and LOVE it. Brian is a really good cook, but he is so busy that we have to usually settle for my so so cooking, much to my families sadness. I LOVE good food and my mouth waters when I think of all the yummy things you must make. so if there is ever a recipe you want to share with me send it my way and maybe I can get brian to cook it.
    I enjoyed all your posts xoxoxo

  12. Maybe if you girled it up a little.... like Saitin. Yep, that'll do. :) Good luck.

  13. burnt popcorn, men multitasking (a scary thought, indeed), and annoying pregnancy stuff -- I feel for ya, girl. What are you craving? My answer would be to go out and buy whatever it is -- a new pair of shoes, a gallon of chocolate ice cream, etc., and unplug from life for awhile and enjoy. You're pregnant and a busy mama, that's reason enough.

    Cheers! ;)

  14. Oh my gosh! I thought you said "G-dog decided to POOP his own bag of microwave popcorn..." and I thought - "Well, poop is flammable, but did he get out a microwave popcorn bag, poop in it and stick it in the microwave or did it cause some type of reaction with the popcorn (cause if he did, I gotta try that one)?" Then I thought, "Wait a minute...that's just crazy." I went back and re-read the 1st paragraph and now I get it. Seriously!?!?! Can I get any more dense? I swear my mind's worked like this my whole life.


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