Friday, July 17, 2009

Public Nudity

Last weekend, we went to Staples to look at printers. My kids had had a pretty good day of semi-reasonable behavior, so we got ice cream and then took them all with us to the store. As opposed to leaving them home alone. Right.

Anyway, they were so beguiled by all those rows and aisles and open floor space that they just couldn't contain their energy. While C-Pod and I talked to the recent high school graduate pushing for the HP Laser Jet, they ran through the store, chased by some invisible but apparently persistent force. Thankfully, they didn't knock over any store displays or have office chair races through the passages. It's much worse than that.

As we discussed the possibility of finding a wireless-ready color laser printer (nearly impossible, unless you have a lot of money), G-Dog came flying around the corner of the aisle. I say flying, but really, he was only moving as fast as you possibly can when your pants are around your ankles. Which is where his were.

"WHAT are you DOING?!?" I screamed, because, seriously, I lost my composure over this one. I ran over and pulled his pants back up, hoping the sales guy had not been blessed by a glimpse of little boy parts.

"No, Mommy, there's POOP in there!" He struggled against me as I re-clothed his booty, trying desperately to keep his underwear from touching his body in any way.

At this point, Craig swooped in, threw G-Dog over his shoulder, and hurried to the bathroom.

I returned to my conversation with the stunned sales dude, and learned that you can't buy off-brand toner cartridges for HP printers. Bummer. And why are you looking at me so strangely, Mr. Staples? I have THREE CHILDREN aged 4 and under. They have poop accidents, even if they are infrequent. They are regularly nude in places they should not be. You're lucky they didn't decide one of your wooden office tables looks a lot like a tree and pee on it.

I met CPod at the entrance to the bathroom. G-Dog launched himself through the door proclaiming, "I'm going commando!" to all who were in earshot. Which, with his bombast, was basically the entire store. CPod handed me a wadded up papertowel.

"What is this?"

"Big-boy pants. There was poop in them."

"I am NOT putting these in my purse."

"It's not a lot of poop. Just a little skid mark."

Still. I had to draw the line somewhere. The Staples trash bin is now one pair of big-boy pants richer.


  1. I love this! Sorry that it happened to you, but thank you for putting a smile on my face so early in the day!

  2. Thanks for the laughs today. I think I'd have tossed them too!

  3. Mmmm, good poopy times (sarcasm here). ;)

    I had 3 tiny kids for a time: a 22-month-old and newborn twins. It didn't get any easier the next year then I was potty training our oldest (then a toddler) and our twins were 12 months old and still on demand nursing.

    Let's just say I didn't go out in public with them a lot.

    Now, our child #4 (age 2) is potty training himself. So far he's taking the initiative nicely. We just aren't to the big-boy pants quite yet (shudder).

  4. My nine-year-old nephew did something similar the other day. The car stunk so bad and we thought he had gas, but no...

    When we asked him why he didn't go to the bathroom, he said he didn't see one in the restaurant we had just left.

    Not that he asked.

  5. Oh, the joys!!!! I remember those days well! I'm impressed, you're able to laugh at them very quickly!!

  6. LOL!

    My computer geek husband recommends the Brother 4 in 1 printers. Very good price, great price on off-brand ink refills. I was surprised at how well they print pictures--not that we do a lot, but because I figure it's a better printer than I realized! And having your own copier, if you haven't before, is the best thing in the world.

  7. I'm richer now having read your story - LOL!

    I've had a similar experience, but my son yelled that he was "free-balling it", rather than going commando.

  8. That is hilarious!!! Wow, I wonder what my life would be like with boys instead of girls. :) I have thrown away many poopy panties in my day. Sometimes it is just not worth it!!

  9. My husband took our then-four-year-old son on a weeklong backpack/canoe trip. Some accidents got rinsed in the lake. Others got burned in the campfire. This boys still likes to "go commando" if he can get away with it.

  10. Sounds like you were not a cloth diaper mama. Skid marks are nothing after a couple of years of scrubbing poop out of diapers with a washboard in the toilet.

  11. I have NO DOUBT this will happen to me one day ....

  12. I immediately had to come to this post when I saw the title! :)

    I'm not really keen on public nudity with poop. Let's just leave the poop out of it.

  13. This reminded me of the horrifying experience we had in Sacrament Meeting when my youngest son was being blessed. My older son (who was four) pulled down his pants in the aisle of the chapel and showed my mother (his Nana) how he had pooped in his underwear because she refused to take him out for fear she would miss the blessing. Needless to say, he was her first grand child and she must've forgotten the consequence of ignoring a child when he says he "has to go".


Sock it to me!