Monday, May 17, 2010

Shallow

Have you heard? The CBC is in a little over a week, and I've had a running of list of things to do to get ready for months now. Business cards? Check. Awesome butt-shaping blue jeans? Check. Cute shoes? Check. A functional diaper bag that can also be my carry-on? Check. Cute haircut? Check . . . oh, wait.

I got my hair cut last Thursday. My hair is curly and big, and really has a mind of its own. When it's curly, I manage it mostly by not managing it . . . that, and great products which, I swear, are an invention of the 21st century. Occasionally, I blow it out myself, but usually, if I want to wear it straight, I pick what I hope will be the first day in a long stretch of rainless ones, and go have someone else do the 45 minute elbow-wrenching job. And if the gods have smiled upon me, that blow out will last . . . 4 or 5 days.

That's why I have just noticed today the carnage. I don't know what happened. My stylist usually does a fantastic job . . . but Thursday, she cut my shorter layers so short that they could now be classified as bangs should I choose to wear them that way. She left my longer layers so long that now that I've allowed it to do what it wants to do, I can only describe my new do as a curly mullet.

I fixed my hair this morning, and then I cried. And then I called my sister and sent her a picture. She kind of laughed and then didn't say much except, "I . . . um . . . I think we can fix this?"

Not exactly convincing.

We then discussed the merits of having a Jane Austen-ready haircut (there are none), and I did a Google search to see if anyone is casting for Louis XIV (most are looking for a man to play the lead, even if the hair is spot on).

I called the salon this afternoon. And I'm going back in tomorrow morning to get it re-done. But the bangs? The bangs I didn't ask for, and that have not, for a reason, graced my face since an unfortunate eighth grade hairstyle mishap -- well, I'll just have to wait for them to catch up with their cohorts.

I should just wear it straight until it grows out. But have you been to the North Carolina mountains in the summer? The whole afternoon thunderstorm weather pattern is pretty much the norm around these parts, and what kind of crazy person straightens curly hair on a rainy day? Even on a good day, my straightened hair has a look of potential energy about it -- like any exposure to humidity might cause my head to explode into an afro-like puffball of unruly ringlets, mostly because that's exactly what happens.

So somehow this bad hairstyle sent me into a tailspin that I have struggled to get out of all day long. It's a symphony week and I like to get things in order early when I know 5 of the next 6 nights will be occupied with non-housekeeping and mothering activities. I've done NONE of the things I needed to. I played with my kids. I figured out how to webchat so MommyJ could see my ugly hair. I wrote this blog post and put out some other fires, but I didn't clean the floor or fold any laundry or even make dinner -- my lovely husband brought home burgers for the kids and sushi for the grownups instead.

To add insult to injury, Miscellany pooped all over my bed, onto sheets that I just changed last night. LAST NIGHT, I tell you! It is on CPod's side. Maybe I'll just leave it. Poop? Bad hair? Anything else? Please, let the cleansing strains of Appalachian Spring do their work on my psyche tonight. I need a lift in the worst kind of way.

I spent the afternoon asking myself if I was really that shallow -- so shallow that a bad hair day can turn me into a self-centered ogre? Yes. Yes, I am.

I was due for a reality check, and I got it when I spoke with my best friend this afternoon. Her mother is in end-stage renal failure, and at this point, dialysis is out of the question and the best they can hope for is a short wait on the transplant list. We just went through this with CPod's mom, and I wish that degree of worry on no one. Our outcome was positive, and I can only pray that hers will be as well.

That bad haircut? Pales in comparison to the sentence of a life-shortening disease calling in its dues. That needed perspective-kicker has shifted my focus away from the mirror. Good thing, because the reflection is really, really bad.

(I just read this to CPod. He really thinks I should say something about how I'm trying to work on my present lack of depth. Or some redeeming characteristic that mitigates my narcissism . . . yeah. I got nothing. Maybe the act of posting the debacle will be cathartic enough for me to move on, but chances are I'm not moving on until tomorrow morning. Keep your fingers crossed for something halfway attractive!)



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26 comments:

  1. Oh, this makes me scared. I just made an appointment with my stylist for Saturday. What if I look like Dorothy Hammel by the time we're done?

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  2. Remember you are coming to Utah where there is no humidity. Your hair is going to act totally different when you get here. Maybe it will be tamer, maybe it will be harder to style. So whatever you figure out there at home may change completely when you get here. I am sure that I am not helping you out with your dilemma. But honestly everyone will be won over by your personality and they won't care about the way you look at all.

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  3. Poor girl, I am sooo sorry. From one curly haired girl, to another ...I feel ya!! You brought up Jane Austen, now I am getting desperate for anyone who is interested (so my poor husband will not have to endure it), but they are having a Jane Austen festival in July in Louisville, Ky. Let me know if you want to go ...maybe we can find you a sweet little bonnet!

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  4. So I have a question an a comment - Question first: you said this was a symphony week. Does that mean you are going to the symphony to listen to fabulous music, or that you playing fabulous music in the symphony??

    And I know all about bad hair days.... my hair is mostly straight, with some random curls that only show up when my hair is wet. So I'll spend an agonizing amount of time straightening my 'straight' hair in the morning, get it to look fabulous, and then walk outside... and what happens? I get what I like to call "white girl 'fro"... which is quite exciting if you don't typically have the bushy hair look. Oh yea, it's that bad. But I wish you luck in getting the 'do fixed. And I know how it can ruin a day. Or as my last perm will tell you, a whole year! :(

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  5. Ok, I am laughing soo hard! Your description of it is hilarious - probably because I have had that haircut before and my hair is very wavy and frizzy, so I feel your pain! I think it's probably not as bad as you think, but get some cute bobby pins and just pin the short "bangs" back for a while. I had to do that too about 6 mos ago because I tried to make another "layer" for myself :-)

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  6. I had my hair cut on Thursday, too. And she did something weird with the bangs, so I'll have mine hair pinned up all through CBC. Although I wish very much otherwise, I can relate to your post all too well.

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  7. You are so hilarious...so delightfully real and HUMAN. I had a bad haircut before my trip to Utah last month and was such a quivering wreck over it all I couldn't even post about it. My narcissism trumps yours. I refuse to go into details lest you cut off contact with me. Seriously. It's that bad.

    Perspective can be sweet stuff, can't it? Even if it is a little humbling.

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  8. Why is it so comforting to find other women who stress over the same shallow things that knock me for a loop?

    I kid myself that I'm not obsessed with hair and other such superficial layers, but it only takes one bad haircut to relieve me of that delusion.

    Although I've never had the privilege of bumping in to you in person, I too, am convinced that throngs will thrill to your wit and charm alone.

    (care to share the pics? -- oh, that was below the belt!)

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  9. You're allowed shallow moments because you are so completely NOT shallow. It will be better tomorrow. I'm sure of it.

    Symphony week = playing in a symphony. The viola. (She's oh so very talented.)

    Am I qualified to answer questions in your comments? I mean, I KNOW I'm qualified. I think your readers would be hard pressed to ask a question about you that I couldn't answer. But does that step on your blogging toes or something? For me to answer for you?

    Meh. You'll love me anyway. Especially since I said you were talented. Would have been different had I said, "She PLAYS in a symphony, but don't be impressed. She's not that good."

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  10. No offense, friends . . . but hell will freeze over before I post pictures of my foray into glam rock hair. Maybe -- if the results tomorrow are favorable -- maybe, I will post a picture. Maybe.

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  11. humidity+curly hair= giving up

    Been there, done that.

    I must admit that I love the UT weather for hair purposes. I am still hoping to get to the CBC!

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  12. I thought of this post this morning as I was attempting to straighten my hair. FYI GA summers are even worse! Oh, the humidity! When I was in Thoroughly Modern Millie the costume director scheduled 10 minute hair cutting appointments to give all the girls 20's bobs. It was horrible. One side of my hair was inches longer than the other and being a poor college student I couldn't pay to get it fixed until around our wedding. We feel your (shallow) pain!!

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  13. Thanks for a great laugh this morning! I can totally relate. I have had far too many bad days because of the reflection in the mirror. I'm sure it will look great. If not, then use lots of bobby pins and clips. :) I wish I could hear you speak at that CBC thing. You and MommyJ are so much fun!!! I miss ya'll more than you'll ever know!!!!!! Love ya! Here is to beautiful bouncy curls in a non-mullet looking short do. :)

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  14. Mmmmm...Appalachian Spring. Yummy.

    And I think it's a pre-CBC hairstylists' conspiracy. I wanted dark brown with gold and copper highlights. I got nearly-black with maybe three almost-white stripes. The gal who does my hair is a friend but I think I'm done with her professionally.

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  15. If it helps, I've had bad hair for about 5 years and I've survived.

    My husband would probably think it was hot if I had glam rock hair. Maybe I'll be lucky and that will be my next bad haircut.

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  16. Ugh, I so relate. I'm having all kinds of CBC anxiety.

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  17. I had a kidney transplant 15 1/2 years ago...it's a little more difficult to get through than a bad haircut. ;)

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  18. Bad haircuts are hard to live with. I had one for my brother's wedding last year and I still cringe every time I see a picture. Yes, it grew out in a month or two, but it's immortalized. I feel for you.

    But yes, perspective is good. It doesn't mean you have to be happy about your hair though.

    And, I want to go t oCBC so bad that I'd even consent to a bad haircut if it meant I could be there. Have fun! :)

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  19. My wife still reminds me of the time when she came home from a perm-gone-wild. I was trying to determine what to say and do. So, I said, "Uh, so, is that how you wanted it to look?" I was trying to figure out if I should be enthusiastic or supportive. Turns out that was not the right thing to say.

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  20. P.S. I don't think it's shallow to want to look good or at least not be embarrassed.

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  21. Braden I have to recomment to tell you about the time my sister got her hair cut. Her husband's first words were, "Well I liked it better long." So you did not say the worst thing possible. He learned his lesson the hard way, too, and, since my husband was there at the time, he learned the lesson by watching.

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  22. I used to want curly hair, but I've learned better. I love the way it looks but I can't even spend the time on straight hair. Curly hair would be bad, bad, bad for me.

    And you're not shallow. You should see/hear the run up to me getting ready for LDS Storymakers. Sheesh. I have issues.

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  23. Love this post! I demand a picture of the hair. Hey girl, I can relate. I have the big thick hair with the rebellious curls. Maybe you can put some strong product in those bangs and side-sweep them? Like wax product?

    http://sherunslikeagirl.blogspot.com

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  24. You'd be gorgeous dunked in a puddle of mud.

    I'm scared about the extra 25 pounds I'm carrying right now. Can't fix THAT in a few days.

    (I get to see you soon!)

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Sock it to me!